Maximum Effort
by Watch Dogs
Summary: Hello! My name is Deadpool! Do you like blood? Violence? Hot blonds? Snappy one liners? Well if you do, welcome! If not stay clear of this piece of beautiful-ness, hippie. I'd like to tell you a story about the day Chuck Bartowski died and I was born.
1. Deadpool

Maximum Effort

Italics-Thoughts

Bold-Fourth wall breaks

AN: This is just an early idea. Saw the movie for Deadpool three times! Such an amazing experience. If this is well received, I'll continue with the story. Let me know what you think! This will have elements from the movie in it. I only did minor editing as well, so sorry for any mistakes!

Burbank, California.

Tuesday, December 22nd, 1:30 pm.

The highway was busy. Cars whizzed around in multiple directions, occupants rushing to make it to work, or simply to purchase that one gift their child wanted for Christmas. Christmas time was such a chaotic time of the year, where the human race took part in a barbaric and materialistic ri-

Writer we talked about this, no bullshit time waisting! Fuuuuuuuuck get a load of this guy!

Sorry sorry... On an overpass, high above the main highway, sat a man dressed head to toe in red, jamming to a DMX song playing from his Iphone.

Music and the chaos of the highway, what a soothing combination!

The figure had two long swords on his back, as well as two giant pistols, S&W 500's, on either hip.

"Hi," the figure didn't look u- "Shut up with the "figure" shit, I mean come on these guys know its me! I mean they clicked on this story to read about yours truly."

The figu-Chuck looked towards the camera, face hidden behind a red mask with black circles around each eye, pupils hidden behind white mesh, "Hows it going! Welcome to my fanfiction story, written by some bored douche bag, if I can be so blunt. And why couldn't I be? Not like cunt face is gonna do anything. Wanna know something? Shits about to go down, so sit back, relax, enjoy and above all else, pay attention! Oh and no complaining, or else someones getting a sword shoved straight up their a-OH! Look, fun time!"

Chuck pointed excitedly towards a giant convoy of government vehicles. A row of 4 black SUV's flew down the road. Cars hopped eagerly out of their way, to avoid any issues.

"Ah, there they are! I was nervous I chose the wrong overpass, highway combination," Chuck pulled a big hello kitty bag, which was packed full of firearms, on to his lap, "Hahaha I already did that once today... And unfortunately for the general public, a group of SUV's was driving on that same highway... I got confused and... Moving on." Chuck stood up, bag in hand, giggling to himself, "I brought soooooooooo many guns for this party! It's as they say, there's never to much when it comes to showing someone, or someone's, how much you care!" Chuck zipped the bag closed, squealing with delight.

"I know your all confused right now. Probably wondering how the writer is going to stretch two fictions to the point where it makes sense that Chuck Bartowski, or Zachary Levi; such a beautiful man, would become the ever dashing Deadpool... others clicked this fic in error, attempting to click on another one.. I have done that as well. I mean not with fanfiction, with porn. Meant to go for blonde on blonde and accidently hit-" Chuck visible shivered "Moving on."

"Let me tell you a bit of the story... I should have the time. I can help you understand my past..."

-D-E-A-D-P-O-O-L-

My story starts 1 1/2 years ago, back when I didn't look like road kill... Or play doe that had a little to much sun time... You get what I'm saying reader, I had the looks!

Chuck sat at the Nerd Herd desk looking over his tasks for the day. A regular was coming in for his monthly virus removal. A 40 year old who had a knack for downloading porn with viruses in it. Beyond the regular, the rest of the day was general work tasks. The Buymore had a big inspection coming up, so all back logged work and even the stuff Big Mike never asked them to do, had to be done by the end of the week. On top of that the need for the intersect had doubled in the last month. Chuck was constantly on missions, missing work or simply being out all night, causing issues with work performance. Chuck could only assume he was on thin ice.

Can I even get fired from here? CIA and NSA like me working here, not sure they would allow it-

Chucks thoughts were interrupted by as a letter hit him in the side of the head, thrown by none other than Jeff. Retrieving the letter from the floor, Chuck looked to his right where Jeff and Lester were leaning on the Nerd Herd desk, giggling like school girls, dressed in, what Chuck assumed was their Jeffester outfits. Both were dressed in black leather outfits, which had giant gaps on various parts of the suit, revealing way to much skin.

Might as well be BDSM outfits... Oh god I hope they are aren't! What if the letter is an invite to a BDSM party!

Chuck pride open the envelope, and slowly removed a picture from inside. The picture showed Jeff and Lester, posed in, what Chuck could only assume, was there version of a sexy pose. The background of the photo was pitch black with strobe lights flashing in the background.

BDSM it is.. I'm going to be sick

"Christ, do I need to repeat HR's memo. You cannot hit on coworkers or customers... Emphasis on the coworker part!"

They both looked confused for a moment before Lester spoke, "Listen Charles, no one is hitting on anyone. We are giving you a VIP pass to Jeffesters gig at this small club we are performing at."

Jeff nodded dumbly.

Chuck shook his head, amused, "Okay, it's just with the lack of "You are invited", "Jeffester" or... words in general, you can understand my confusion... The suits are also a bit BDSM-y..."

Lest immediately had a look of annoyance on his face, ""BDSM-y" Charles," he said making air quotes, "No, Jeff picked these suits out! They are top of the line performance outfits!"

"Yeah (Burp)", came Jeffs short reply.

"They even come with cool masks!" Lester reached into a bag that rested on the floor near his feat.

Lester knelt down for a brief moment before standing up excitedly. It was an all leather mask. With zippers that could seal the eyes and mouth. Dear god.

"Okay, Jeff what was the description for these "outfits"..." Chuck looked expectantly at Jeff.

"It said something like, "For your darkest performance, unleash the beast in the bedroom or something.. I figure it'll work on stage as well.." Jeff trailed of as he steadied himself against the Nerd Herd desk.

"Did it mention BDSM?"whispered Chuck, as a customer walked by.

Jeff nodded, "Yeah, pretty sure that's the designer (burp) or something."

Chuck grinned as Lester looked from Chuck to Jeff multiple times before slowly taking the mask off, "I uh think I'm going to go change..."

"Not your worst idea today," laughed Chuck.

Lester took off, leaving Jeff and Chuck standing at Nerd Herd central.

"You might want to go change to..."

Jeff looked at Chuck, "No spare clothes..."

Chuck tilted his head, mildly annoyed, "Your supposed to start your shift in 20.."

"I could work like this-"

"No, no, no, no, no, n-n-n-no," interrupted Chuck, "just go home.. Please. Change and come back, or don't. I just can't look at that suit any more... Your like a strong wind from showing off little Jeff and at that point, I kill myself.."

Jeff smiled, the fact that he was drunk showing in his drunken smile, "Cool, day off. Thanks Chuckles. You're the best supervisor ever!"

As he turned, he left Chuck with a final goodbye view. His pants were ass less. So much Jeff was burned into Chucks brain..

Fuck.. I hope I get fired... Soon..

Chuck slammed his head on his desk, contemplating just staying with his head on the desk for the whole day. But Casey quickly crushed that idea with quick jab to the side and string of insults. Chuck began the monotony that was his job.

-X-

As Chuck work, his thoughts rushing through his mind, he realized something. The only pleasure that work provided him these days was it allowed him to be away from Sarah. God she was... He growled a bit in his mind. He loved her, but after Bryce requested that Chuck cool things down, it was a hostel environment between the two. Sarah began taking seduction missions to get back at him, rarely spoke with him when they were alone.. It was horrible. Chuck had at least thought they were friends. Maybe that wasn't true.. Pushing the thoughts out, Chuck focused on work. Hours flew by, and before he knew it, lunch had arrived. He started walking towards the break room when he felt the first pang of pain. It was brutal. It ripped through his stomach all the way up the his head. Chuck had to grab on to a video game rack near by for support. His vision blurred heavily. He heard gasps from coworkers around him, even felt Casey trying to help steady him.

"What's wrong Bartowski?!"

Chuck looked at him, face blank, eyes barely open, "I saw Jeffs ass... Knew it would kill me.. Fuck..."

Chuck collapsed.

-D-E-A-D-P-O-O-L-

"Let's put a pin in the story, reader, as my friends are almost here!"

Chuck stood up, cracking his neck, and fingers, "Hey, ummm look, if our friends in the SUV say anything to you, please refer to me as Deadpool, cuddle master, or even Senior Pool, just avoid Chuck... They think I'm dead! (Giggles). Honestly I don't think they can break the 4th anyway."

Chuck watched as the SUVs pulled hit the spot he needed them to.

"Pst! Reader! Wish me luck!" Chuck took a step off the ledge of the over pass, plummeting towards the convoy of government SUVs below, "I'm not kidding, I've never tried this before!"

-D-E-A-D-P-O-O-L-


	2. Death of a Hero

Hey! So this has been a while coming... not really much else to say. Life got in the way as it normally does, but the other night I had some inspiration to finish this up. I'm currently in the process of looking for a beta, so any mistakes are solely mine. If you take the time to read, please leave a review. I just want to know thoughts on the direction taken thus far and if there is any critiques anyone has to offer. Also fair warning, this chapter is in the past following Sarah and is a bit darker.

Enjoy!

-X-

Orange Orange  
Burbank California

It was a normal day in Sarah's world. No missions, no meetings at Castle. Hell, Casey was watching over Chuck, so she literally didn't need to be here. Yet here she was. If she was honest she liked the distraction. See on the outside, she seemed completely normal, calm. Inside her head, a battle was raging on.

 _Okay_ , Sarah thought, dicing a banana with precision above that of a minimum wage frozen yogurt worker, _What to do about you know who..._

 _Could kill him—actually no.. I like his butt hehe_ , chimed a sweet little voice from the back of her mind, _He's got big hands to.. which means-_

 _Enough!_ Sarah shot back, blush creeping up her neck, _not going down that road again..._

 _Okay fine... fucking spoil sport... lately you've been more sexually repressed than a Nun..._

Sarah groaned. It was always like this on days off. From working out to working, nothing really seemed to fully distract her. It was during this time, her inner thoughts, the ones she pushed down deep inside, pushed their way to the surface; bugging the ever living shit out of her. The whole Chuck situation was fucked, and it didn't help that her mind was against her. Scooping the bananas into a plastic container, she placed it with the rest of the toppings in the refrigeration unit, before moving to strawberries. Her favorite. Popping one in her mouth, she grabbed another and began dicing it up.

 _I need a work out-_

 _Agreed! Lets get Chuck and turn off the cameras in castle!_

Sarah closed her eyes, crossing her legs fighting a small shiver working its way up her body. Sighing, she drove the knife into her cutting board, leaving it standing on its own. Looking to her phone, she scrolled down her contacts, landing on Bryce. A safe and comfortable partner to work off this frustration. That's all she needed. Guilt bubbled its way to the surface as that sweet voice turned a bit darker.

 _Gross... just gross... kill or fuck Chuck darling, but plastic army men are off the table..._

 _What about Cole_ , she pondered.

 _Nice accent but just as fake as 'fuck boy' Larken, no_

Sarah slowly sank to the floor, a position she was growing use to, "This is fucking torture... the fuck do I do..."

 _Run away... nah, domestication does not suit us..._

Sarah smirked, _finally we agree... cannot believe I am agreeing with myself as if it's another person..._

 _Everyone's got a little crazy in'em darling.._

-Ding Ding-

Sarah's eyes widened as she heard someone bash open the front door, sprinting into the Orange Orange. Instinctively she reached for the gun she kept under the cash register. Pulling the slide back slowly, she peered through the ejection port, confirming a 9mm caliber sitting snuggly in the chamber of her Smith and Wesson 5906, ready to put down anyone looking for a fight. After the Cole situation she wasn't taking any chances. With a click the safety was off and the weapon was readied. The sound of footsteps came rushing around, the person letting out a string of curse words and grunts. Knowing exactly who would be making those noises, she groaned before standing up.

"I almost shot you Casey, idiot. I told you to call fir-" she was halted by the look in his eyes and blood on his T-Shirt, "My god, are you okay?"

She met his eyes, which were wider than normal and glossy. His skin was pale, like he'd seen a ghost, "Walker it's not my blood... Chuck was just rushed to Emerge by ambulance, he's-"

Instantly everything was silent, as if she was in space. A large weight formed in her stomach as she watched Casey's mouth move. A cold shiver ran down her back as she felt her face grow warm. Recognizing she was in a state of shock she used her training to focus. Her face went from surprise to Ice Queen in a flash.

"Enough talking Casey," interrupting the older man, she continued, "Let's go, right now."

She reached for her jacket, only to feel Casey grab her arm, "Walker, he's gone."

Recoiling, as if slapped, she met Casey's eyes, begging for this to be some messed up joke. Wanting him to laugh and tease her about her lady feelings. But there was no joking glean to his eyes. Just a blank stare; devoid of emotion and warmth. It made the knot in her stomach twist hard. Dizziness crept over her causing her to lean against the counter.

"That.. doesn't make sense, what.. what happened," she choked out.

Casey leaned against the counter, letting out a deep sigh, "He was just standing there, looking like the goofy bastard he always is. Then bam, he's on the floor. He started... I don't think now is the time to tell you this-"

"Casey!" she growled angrily, "I want to know exactly what happened. Immediately. No fucking bullshit."

She tossed her jacket on walking towards the door, Casey following behind her. He'd be impressed if not for the situation at hand.

"Where are you goin-"

"To get Ellie and then to the hospital, now continue—please" she bit out as she grinded her teeth. She hadn't done that since getting braces as Jenny Burton.

"Okay... he collapsed, made a stupid fucking joke and then..." the footsteps behind her stopped suddenly, causing her to halt mid step.

She turned back to see the older man looking at the ground, face screwed up, "He just started bleeding. First from his mouth, then his eyes and ears... just so much blood! So much screaming to-" her heart sank hearing that, "He just wanted it to be over and I couldn't help him... I just put his head on my lap and held his hand... Morgan... god that poor bastard... he grabbed gauze and band aids... everything he could get his little hands on... in the end all he and I could do was just hold Chucks hands and watch him go through this."

Casey dropped to a knee letting out a heavy breath, "He kept screaming for you-"

Sarah only realised the tears were pouring down her face when Casey thrust a napkin out towards her.

"He went unconscious in the ambulance on the way... flat lined before they even got him in the front fucking doors... Fuck!" Casey threw his phone at the ground as it started ringing. Pieces flew in every direction akin to a hand grenade spewing shrapnel in a battlefield, "Fucking Beckman."

Sarah looked at Casey as if a second head sprouted from his neck. Deciding to ignore that, she turned walking towards her car.

"Let's get Ellie and head to the hospital."

"One more thing Wa-Sarah", Casey stood up, "Beckman's here... Chuck's been put in quarantine. Top security. We can't see him right now."

Sarah stopped at her car door, mind racing, "Let her try and stop me..."

-X-

"Devon's meeting us," mumbled Casey quietly.

Sarah nodded from the back seat of Casey's car. Ellie had turned her lap into a napkin, not that the blonde cared. The poor woman's world had just been turned upside down in the blink of an eye. Ellie almost collapsed at the news. The always strong, bubbly woman was reduced to a wreck of a person, only able to cry into Sarah's lap. Casey ran a light, before whipping into the hospital parking lot. Getting out, they all made their way inside, immediately finding an elevator. Pressing the button for the 9th floor, they stood in silence, a weight suffocating Sarah. Chuck was the best at cutting through awkward silences. She fought the urge to cry, instead holding Ellie tighter.

The Elevator door pinged as it slowly opened. The entire floor was empty, which didn't surprise Casey. Chuck was a high level asset. A quick call and this floor was vacated replaced by NSA personnel. What was once probably a busy loud hospital floor was reduced to an eerily quiet floor, like out of a horror movie. Hell there was cups of coffee, steam still rising, sitting on the receptionist desk. No time for grabbing the little things when the Government comes knocking. Coming out of his thoughts, Casey could hear the sound of an aggravated Devon Woodcomb.

"Listen man, he's my future brother in law. I don't care if it's gruesome or whatever, I want to see him... please!"

The three approached the scene, finding Devon looking between two large men dressed in similar black business suits and wearing black sunglasses. Both men were blocking off the hallway, not allowing anyone to continue.

 _Men in black_ , thought Sarah almost smiling, _guarantee that's what he would have said_.

Casey laid a hand on Awesome's shoulder, causing the man to swing around.

Eyes softening at the sight of a friend, "They won't let me see him. Apparently he's being quarantined while they test what he has. It's already been three hours of testing!" Devon sighed before wrapping his fiancé in a hug, "Baby I'm so sorry. God, I'm so so sorry."

"Listen," Casey interrupted, "Bring Ellie for a drink and a bite to eat, it's going to be a long wait and you both need energy-" Ellie began to protest "No buts, I have some knowledge on this kind of stuff. They will be a few hours... I know that you want to be as close to him as possible... but you need to take care of yourselves. I have your numbers. If they let us in, we will call immediately."

Ellie wiped her eyes before looking at Devon, who nodded firmly, agreeing with Casey.

"Come on babe, food courts just down on level 4, let's just get a little something," Ellie nodded softly, "Call if you get any news, please" Devon mumbled as they passed the two agents, "I'll get you both something."

Casey nodded and Sarah gave a small thank you as the pair made their way towards the elevator. As soon as the elevator door closed, Casey turned towards the pair slowly, pulling out his Government ID.

"Step aside," he breathed dangerously.

Both guards looked at each other before the one on the left spoke, "This is above top secret. You aren't allowed in-"

Sarah's gun was out of its holster and pressed against the man's throat, catching Casey and both guards by surprise, "Two options here, die or step out of our way, choose."

"Walker!" Casey's voice carried a warning, "Put your gun away, no good can come from threatening fellow agents!"

Sarah's grunted, holding her gun square against the man's neck, "Threat? No. I merely made my intentions clear," she pressed the gun deeper into the man's neck, "I don't want any more bloodshed, so please step aside."

"Ah, looks like the Drama's here."

Everyone's eyes snapped up to General Beckman. Her face was stoic, eyes cold and calculated as per usual. What caused Sarah's breath to halt was what she was wearing. Head to toe, she stood before them in a biohazard suit.

"Agent Walker, Casey, please follow me and let's talk," Beckman motioned for the guards to step aside.

Sarah holstered her weapon and was quick to pass between the guards. She fell in line behind Beckman, Casey jogging to catch up with the speedy women. Walking in silence, they approached a hospital room with a biohazard symbol on the outside. Standing tall with a don't mess with me look, stood another guard. She wore a biohazard suit with a bullet proof vest, instead of a nice suit. She also had better fire power than simple pistols. Across her chest laid a UNG 12 Semi Auto. Casey couldn't help but check out the beautiful shotgun.

Beckman motioned to a rack beside the guard, "Put on the suits please... and make it quick. You're not supposed to be back here. I need to get you in and out before anyone shows up."

Both agents nodded, scrambling to pull on the biohazard suits. As soon as they were secured and double checked by the door guard, to ensure they were fully sealed, they were lead into a brightly lit hospital room.

Sarah's eyes widened.

Chuck lay before her. His face was hardly recognizable from the swelling and discoloration... and the dried blood. Reaching out, her fingers grazed his, gently at first before she grabbed his hand. There were so many machines hooked up to him... all so useless now. She was used to people dying or leaving. Comes with the job.

But this was different. This was her Chuck. He was supposed to be her constant, her rock. She steeled her emotions to keep from crying. Sam was not coming out. It was bad enough she had to deal with the thoughts of Sam, let alone letting people see Sam. Sarah backed away looking at Beckman.

"What happened?" Casey mumbled shock still on his face, "When I left him, he didn't look half as bad."

Beckman shook her head, "We believe..." she sighed, "We believe he was poisoned."

Sarah went ridged, cold sweeping over her body.

"We found this," Beckman pulled out a baggy which held onto a silver tic-tac sized trident looking device, "In Chucks neck. We don't know what it is yet but..."

"But what..." growled Casey, eyes locked onto the device.

"We have seen the device once before, a little over a month ago. An agent stationed in Brazil was found dead in his hotel room. His symptoms weren't like Bartowski's, but with a little tweaking the users of this device might be changing the poison."

Casey approached the bed slowly staring at Chuck lifeless face, "Who... who is..." he gulped trying to control his anger, "Did we link this back to any of our enemies? Friends? Neutrals?"

Beckman walked towards the foot of the bed, eyes glancing from either agent.

"A relatively unknown entity," she paused, "They call themselves The Ring."

Casey nodded slowly, grinding his teeth, "Connection to the Fulcrum?"

Beckman nodded, "We have intel suggesting Fulcrum, The Ring and possible one more unknown group are all together," placing her hands on the foot board she looked towards her feet, "We really could have used Bartowski... losing the intersect at a time like this is terrible."

Sarah left eye twitched, teeth grinding together, fist clenching. She snapped her head to Beckman.

"He was more than just that," she whispered angrily.

Beckman eyes watery, "I know that... I know."

Instantly the hostility was simmered, everyone in the room individually caught in their own thoughts.

Beckman snapped back to reality, "When we get our results back from the tests, we will allow Chuck's family and friends to see him. We just want to make sure that this toxin isn't transferable... we'd also like to find out as much about it in hopes of developing a cure for it..." Beckman made her way to the door, opening it, "The cover is still currently being worked on. We will let you know when we have made a decision on ...what killed Mr. Bartowski."

Sarah nodded making her way towards the door, only to stop just before exiting, "I want The Ring dead," She locked eyes with Beckman, "I want to be on the team assigned to wiping them off the face of the earth. Make it happen..."

She left, hearing Casey relay the same things to Beckman just with more grunting and colorful language. With the door shut, Beckman approached the bed. It must have been only a handful of minutes before the door opened again. This time a man entered the room wearing a tactical gear and a metal mask covering his face, the design of a smiley face painted on the front of it.

"Did they believe you?" he said, sounding cheery as he played on his phone, the sound of Flappy Birds echoing around the quiet room.

Beckman nodded slowly, refusing to look at the figure.

"Great! Oh and by the way, is the blonde single?" he watched Beckman's body tense up as she looked at him with anger, "Kidding! Damn, can't take a joke.."

Walking over to Chuck's body, he poked the man's face mockingly, "Nasty. Well, orders are orders Beckman. My task force gets his body-"

"For what?" Beckman snapped, interrupting man Beckman nicknamed Smiley.

She watched him tense up a bit, before slowly turning his head. It was uncomfortable locking eyes with an unblinking smiley face, but Beckman wouldn't allow him the satisfaction of knowing its effects on her. In a flash his phone, still playing the cheery menu music, was sent flying across the room, smashing against the wall just beside her head.

"Do not interrupt me, ever..." he hissed like a snake ready to strike, "That information is way above your pay grade. I'll have my friends deliver a look alike in an hour... it's unfortunate that his face wasn't swollen when we found him... hell guy wasn't even dead but! we fixed those issues hehe. Some actor who literally looks like the spitting image of him, you'll never believe it."

A stretcher was brought in the room, as a small team hoisted Chuck's body on to it. Carefully they brought him out leaving Beckman and Smiley alone.

"Now then," Smiley looked at Beckman, she could practically hear his smirk "I have some information I need but first... take off that stupid get up. No need to keep this shtick up."

-X-

There, not exactly like last chapter, but it was necessary to get this out of the way.


End file.
